I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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