I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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