your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.