Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing