I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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