mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?