PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell