therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
