Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
