My liver just broke up with me...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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