I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
