Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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