Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
