I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
