i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
