When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
