I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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