32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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