So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
