By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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