i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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