can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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