i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
