i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
