your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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