you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
