Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
