I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
