I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
