hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm passing your future prison.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
