Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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