The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
