if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
