he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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