4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
