We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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