the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
