i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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