Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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