at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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