you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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