I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
