After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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