Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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