I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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