i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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