Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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