i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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