on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
