Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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