I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
