Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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