and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
