What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
