I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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