Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A+ Viking dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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