I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
