We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize