Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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