i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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