Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
