ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
