Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
