My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
