Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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