I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
