Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
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A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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