Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
why is half of my head shaved?
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