I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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