dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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